Shitty Day (D1 EN Gianna's Room)

[Mei-Ling Zhou]

Mei stood at the door to Gianna's room.

"God I hope she's up for this tonight." She said as she lightly knocked on the door. "Gi, you there?" Holding a small package wrapped in tissue paper she waited.

[Gianna Rains]

There's a grunt - a groan? some unflattering sound - from inside the room, then the door opens slowly inward as Gianna steps back to her bed and flops on it face first. She misses the pillow that's at an angle near the middle of the bed - and looks like it has several fairly damp spots on it.

"Hi Mei," she groans into the moderately fluffy comforter that covers the bed.

[Mei-Ling Zhou]

She entered closed the door behind her with a soft click.

"Oh hun are you OK? What happened?"

She set the package aside and sat on the edge of the bed placing a hand on Gianna's shoulder.

[Gianna Rains]

There's a whimper as Gianna turns her face away from Mei, then grabs the pillow to put over her head.

"Did you really not hear about... My crash?" She groans from under the pillow but doesn't move away. "It was... This... This is..." She squishes the pillow tighter to her face and then screams into it.

[Mei-Ling Zhou]

She sighed and rubbed her friends back.

"Yeah, I did and you know what? I dumped my mech into the snow twice. We've been space bound for months of course we are a little rusty. But right now we're just setting shit up, a few mistakes aren't going to ruin us or the company. Don't be so hard on yourself and if someone else is giving you shit tell me and I'll sort them out. Hell, the major probably expected a few missteps which is why we only did light patrols and not anything serious today."

[Gianna Rains]

She slides the pillow up so it's still covering her eyes, but her mouth is uncovered so she can be heard.

"Mei, they just promoted me. Gave me command of the company. And my first day planetside as a company commander, I put... George... Into..." She stops talking, sounding almost like she had hiccups from the gasping, then pulls the pillow back over her mouth to scream into it again.

There's a pause, where it might seem she's calming, but she curls onto her side, back toward Mei, and uses both hands to crush the pillow against her face as she screams into it louder this time.

[Mei-Ling Zhou]

"Did you hurt him? I'm guessing not but either way all you can do is apologize and try again. No one is going to look down on you so you shouldn't do it to yourself. You're a pro at this and when the real thing comes I know you'll be ready and your whole lance, me and the company will be there to back you up. I bet there isn't a pilot on this ship who hasn't done it, including the Major.

It's embarrassing as hell, I was still within sight of the base camp the first time I fell and tried to play it off as a joke. That worked for about 15 minutes, then I fell again and considered just laying there until the war was over. Hell the fact that someone as good as you did it gives me comfort. We both fucked up, shit I spend half the day running messages around the camp just to try and hide from the fact I fucked up but I did.

No body is mad, George isn't mad, Monique might be but she's always mad and you out rank her so if she says something just put her in her place. Now will you come here so I can give you a hug?"

She said with wet eyes from her friends sorrow.

[Gianna Rains]

Sort of complying, Gianna rolls onto her back and slides the pillow down so just her tired eyes are showing over it.

"I told Eric I'd resign. Or he could demote me. Or..." She looks very serious about the whole thing. "He told me to stop being dramatic," she says, sounding offended. "My first day planetside as a company commander, I was so excited, and..." Her face scrunches like she's swallowing something gross as she pulls the pillow tighter against her chest but away from her face.

[Mei-Ling Zhou]

Mei leaned over and gave Gianna a firm half hug, rubbing her back as she did.

"Resign? Oh hun that is a bit overboard don't you think? I mean, look at it like this. If it had happened to Princess would you accept her resignation from the lance? If it had happened to the Major would it make sense for his to retire? If you really feel bad about this and I understand if you do then how about this. You and I both agree to start spending more time in the simulator room and we volunteer for some patrols? We can make amends for our screw ups by working harder.

It's also OK to cry, let it out if you need to because it's a lot better than holding it in. Something more than this has to be bugging you. You can tell me if you want, I would like to help if I can and sometimes just saying it out loud can be a relief."

[Gianna Rains]

Gianna's face is grumpy and tired as she says coldly, "But I'm not them, Mei. I'm me."

Her voice goes progressively from level to more and more upset. "Me. Who messed up the perimeter planning, then while I was trying to figure how to fix that, crashed Gorgeous George into..." She waves a hand vaguely, still not able to say it out loud.

"I let Eric down, right after he promotes me. I knew it was a mistake," she says, bitterness looking angry on her face but disappearing as she gets to the deeper hurts. "I let Princess down, that's damn sure. Great role model I am..." She takes a heavy breath. "And I... I let..." Her eyes well with tears and it looks like she'll stop talking entirely, then she looks at Mei and gasps out, voice quiet and broken: "I let George down."

Then the pillow goes back over Gianna's face as she starts to sob, the crying shaking her body for a while.

[Mei-Ling Zhou]

The other shoe dropped and Mei finally understood that George wasn't just the name of her mech, he WAS someone.

"Will you tell me about him, about George? He sounds very important you and I bet anyone good enough to be important to YOU would probably agree that whatever mistake you made isn't worth you grieving over. Would he really want you to feel like this?"

[Gianna Rains]

The tears subside and after Mei's final question, Gianna shifts the pillow to look up at her questioningly. Or maybe analytically, like she's trying to decide how to proceed. After a long look, she slightly shifts the pillow, so she can speak without it silencing her, though she keeps holding it close.

"He would not want this," she admits quietly. "George... He always saw the best in me. Especially when I felt the worst or like no one else cared. So..." She squeezes her eyes closed, like tears were threatening to come back, but then opens them looking determined. "George saved me from... a lot of things. And when I lost him, I... I really needed to be rescued again. Fortunately, Eric and the Angels found me and I..." Gianna sighs. "I wasn't so far gone that I missed the opportunity."

"It's, um... hard to talk about him still. Almost three years later, now," she says, seeming unhappy about everything around the topic. "I, um... What do you want to know?"

[Mei-Ling Zhou]

"I want to know as much as you will tell me. Start with how you met, take all the time you need or tell me to piss off but I think talking could help."

She sat up straight giving Gianna her full attention but not pressuring her.

"Who was George."